emptydoll

In The Dark, It’s Just A Scratch

I’m attracted to the uncreative. To sociopathic character types. I enjoy being with damaged people who are caught in whirlpools. I like whirling in the pool along with them. And looking out with them. 

Often, they are the most brilliant of people and having been introspective for a long time they also tend to know themselves well. Take note that using the word ‘uncreative’ as a label, doesn’t mean that they do not make things, write, paint or whatever. 

I mean they don’t create. 

They mimic and pull various things together, like mash-ups. I’m not saying all mash-up artists are like this either. jsyk

If they had to go into their minds and try to create images, characters or try to put words together in that manner, they find only a small random access memory let us say, to draw from. So that is where some of the darkness is brought into being. Right then in that place. There is a frustration even in that process. A form of anger that rises up, simply because it is known by so many others, that there is a wealth of creative material there for them. So the uncreative, has to deal with that truth their whole life. It takes on different forms of frustration and often becomes tempered, for it is only a small part of the process they think of as their existence.

As an aside: there is always a dynamic of nothingness where there is darkness. This is a phenomenon that few people pay attention to for any length of time. It is rather uncomfortable for most to stare into nothing, into darkness and see what is there. For me, it has been a constant place to visit, make comparisons, whatever. To be.

So as the uncreative try to create from nothing, it is like creatio ex nihilo, if I may, even though blah blah blah c.e.n. doesn’t occur. These uncreatives become obvious right away in this context. The output is very child-like and disturbed, like art or writing that might come from a severely abused child. One who was trying hard to behave and not paint the usual whirling eddies of blackness with daggers and blood, representations of harming people who have harmed them and so on.

Uncreatives often have borderline personality disorder along with other disorders, diagnosed or not, and they are excellent sex partners. What happens is the balance of being in danger and at the same time being in love and lust becomes an addiction to their partners. Most often there is fighting, arguing, physical altercations. Scratching like cats, cutting with knives. Even a fight breakout near some bushes and trees might happen, the scratches and cuts being a part of the necessary release/transformation. and in the bushes an incredibly dark and lustful sexual encounter might happen. This is just an example. There are of course, a thousand permutations which are all equally nasty and dangerous, but fulfilling and edifying as well.

I think that my point here is not to shy away from the uncreative. Try thinking uncreatively, looking into the nothingness and taking on one of these barn cats. You’ll get scratched, guaranteed. But as you lick your blood from your hands and arms, you’ll feel the cellular structure of your entire being changing. And your soul will be connecting with a new dimension of human existence. ~ Angel (Fallgirl, I am like you)